overwhelming

I'm feeling overwhelmed as of late. With the move to Idaho, a new job, and the death of Dave's father all within the last 3 months, along with trying to balance the financial responsibilities of two homes in two cities and the health problems of our children, there are days that it just seems like too much to handle.

I'm fighting to keep my depression at bay. I tend to isolate myself from others, especially during the times when I need the most help. I've been in therapy long enough to know that I need to take some time for myself or talk to someone or make a change in my life to enhance my ability to deal with "this stuff" but it's difficult to do, even when I know what I need to do. My therapist in Omaha strongly encouraged me to find a support network here and, slowly but surely, I am getting there. It's tough because we're not surrounded by the old safety net anymore and, while we're enjoying ourselves in Idaho, it's really difficult to get through some of the hardest days when you feel so alone.

We're going to have Kayley evaluated for ADD because she is struggling badly in school. Dave and I are having a great deal of difficulty relating to Kayley right now (actually, we've struggled with it for several years) because neither one of us ever had trouble with school. We loved school, loved to read and write and learn... even as adults, we consistently thirst for new knowledge. Not Kayley... everything is too hard or takes too long or is too boring and she has absolutely no interest in learning, reading, writing, etc. We just don't understand that mentality and quickly lose our patience with her. We have a lot to learn and are trying hard to make a connection with her so we can help her succeed and feel good about what and how she is doing. But... we are having a tough go of it.

We need to take Jesse to Salt Lake City for an MRI to check the condition/progression of the brain disorder that he was diagnosed with about a year ago. We don't have an appointment set up yet, but it will likely be in the next couple of weeks. We're also having him tested for Celiac Disease (an intolerance to gluten) this week and should have preliminary results soon... if Celiac is confirmed, we'll have another challenge to overcome, but at least it's something we can deal with. He has a heart murmur as well, but his pediatrician is simply going to monitor it for now as he thinks it will resolve with time.

Zach is healthy and happy and trying to overcome the potty-training hurdle. He turns 4 later this month and we'd love to have him fully trained by then, but I'm not certain if we'll make it or not. He's trying though. As our middle child, and with the other kids' issues, I'm worried that Zach is feeling neglected. We spend so much of our time focusing on Kayley's behavior and schoolwork and Jesse's health concerns, that I'm afraid he is overshadowed at times. He's got a beautiful soul and is a wonderful boy -- I worry that we don't do enough to nurture him.

If you have a spare moment this week, please send some positive thoughts our way... especially for our kids.