Hello. My name is Stacey and I am an addict.

During one of my therapy sessions recently, it occurred to me that I am still an addict. Despite the fact that I haven't used drugs for a number of years and generally consider myself "recovered," in looking at my life and all the other vices that I am addicted to, I realized that I am as much of an addict now as I ever was in my younger days. Sure the drugs of choice have changed, but I am still an addict nonetheless.

This has been quite a depressing revelation for me, as I had put all of that addiction business behind me long ago and didn't think I really needed to work on that area of my life much anymore. In struggling with this new realization, I have been rather introspective and emotional. One evening, not long ago, I read a news story that, for one reason or another, really upset and angered me. What do I do? I think to myself, "I need a glass of wine." I poured a glass of white zin and headed outside to smoke and enjoy the impending buzz.

I'm smoking my cigarette and sipping my wine and my addiction realization kicks in again. A vice in my mouth and one in my hand and I'm disgusted with myself all over again. I feel myself getting angrier and I think, "I need to get out of the house. Go shopping, maybe buy a book." Boom! Another vice... for me, I really struggle with money issues and spending sprees. Typically, said behavior makes me feel better when I'm in a mood; I feel better until I get home and realize how much I've spent and that we really can't afford to lose the money I just shelled out and the guilt, regret and shame set in. Addiction? Yep.

So, I'm standing outside in a cold Nebraska winter, smoking, drinking, and thinking of spending money -- note, trying to enjoy each of aforementioned dependencies -- and it occurs to me that I really don't know how to cope with life's problems without one form of addiction or another. My coping mechanisms that had worked so well for me in the past were now part of my blight and I didn't know what to do. I felt as though I was 16 years old again and back in the outpatient drug treatment program, realizing for the first time that I am an addict. That was a profound day for me, one that I hope to never forget. The day was just as profound the second time around.

So begins this part of my life's journey.