The Little Dude

After clocking his sister in the head with something that left a nice round goose egg and being disciplined by Dad, our little guy, Zach and I had the following encounter.

Dad sent both kids to bed and had just left to get groceries. I was on the front porch smoking, trying to regroup after the aforementioned drama unfolded when I hear Zach in the living room yelling in a sing-song voice, "Oh, Daaaaaadddddddy, where are yooooooooouuuuuuuu?" Through the open window, I told Zach that Daddy had gone to the store and that he needed to get back to bed. The sing-song shrieking continued. Again, I told him to go to bed. "Nooooooooooooo... oooooohhhhhhh, Daaaaaaaaaaddddddddy, where are yoooooooooooouuuuu?" As I open the front door to come inside, a little blur goes scampering by and runs up the stairs to bed.

I pick up the whites from the bathroom and head to the basement to do a load of laundry. While downstairs, I hear the pitter patter of little boy feet. I yell upstairs, "You better get back to bed, young man!" Feeling certain that he is threatened by the serious tone of my voice, I am confident that I have set him straight and he'll soon retreat to the bedroom. Boy, was I wrong...

::: bang, bang, bang on the floor above me:::

Me: (still yelling from the basement) Zachary! Please go back to bed!

Zach: (in his best-yet, mommy-mocking voice) Zaaaaachaaaaarrrrrry! Go back to bed!

Me: You're going to be in big trouble, mister!

Zach: Oh no, I'm not. (giggle, giggle)

::: the basement door closes and the lock catches :::

Zach: See, I locked the door! You're locked in there forever!

::: bang, bang, bang on the floor above me :::

Me: You unlock that door right now and get your butt to bed, or I'm going to spank it when I come back upstairs!

Zach: Oh no you're not! (giggle, giggle)

Luckily, his older sister heard the commotion and had enough sense to come downstairs and unlock the basement door. The little turd was still standing there, smiling from ear to ear, oh-so proud of his ability to lock Mom in the creepy basement.

I gave him the look and he started climbing the stairs to his bedroom. He stopped midway up the staircase and I swatted him on the butt to give him a bit of motivation. After a 5-second pause, he turned and yelled, "Ooooooouuuuuch!" Then, as if nothing had happened, he turned and started climbing the stairs again. "Good night, Mommy. I love you!"

Love you, too, little dude. Love you, too.