A Spoonful of Cool Whip

• On Sunday evening this week, I was sitting outside on our front porch enjoying the sounds of summer cicadas and crickets. The streetlights shone brightly, illuminating our section of the block and traffic was relatively light, so it was a bit quieter than usual. I noticed three teenage boys walking down the sidewalk, laughing and talking amongst themselves. As they approached our driveway, I heard a popping sound and, as I looked up, saw the boys high-tailing it up the street. Goddamn kids had smashed in the back window of our minivan. While looking at the shattered bits of glass that littered our driveway and wondering how we're going to come up with the $350 to fix this problem, I reflected on the shitty things I did as a kid and wondered... is this Karma?
• My 6-year old daughter caught me eating spoonsful of Cool Whip out of the tub tonight, after I had chastised her for wanting to lick the lid. Figures.
• The cost of groceries is killing us. For our family of 5, we spend pretty close to $200 each week on food, personal items, baby needs, etc. Sometimes, the grocery bill is a bit less than $200 and sometimes a bit more. For us, at least, it is getting more and more difficult to make our ends meet each month. Sigh. Are we the only folks struggling?
• A milestone and moment of joy this week! Our littlest guy, Jesse, has started to roll over from back to front and back again. He's 6 months old now and is still a short, stocky little man but he's making great strides. His smiles make life worthwhile some days.
• I've started taking medication for my diabetes again this week. Since giving birth to Jesse in January, I stopped taking insulin and never got started on my oral meds again. For me, management of diabetes has always been a struggle and I live in eternal denial that I have the disease. In the years since I was diagnosed diabetic, I've tried guilting myself into managing it by thinking of my children without a mother, my husband without a wife, leg amputations, blindness, kidney failure, feet ulcerations, and a host of other yicky alternatives. My doctors have ridden my ass to the point that I don't go see them for other health issues because I don't want to hear the lectures about managing my blood sugar. I've read about denial, acceptance, and grief and the stages associated with each but have been unable to move beyond the initial angry-avoidance-denial phase. I'm diabetic and I'm pissed off about it. I'm pissed off that I won the gene lottery and inherited the disease from both sides of my family. I'm pissed off that I now have 8-9 prescriptions to fill each month. Finally, I'm pissed off that I'm having to deal with all of this at 35. Pisser... perhaps if I keep looking at this dude's ulcer.