At the Gates of Hope: My Life's Journey

For those that are interested in how my decision to pursue social work has evolved, I thought I would share a portion of the personal statement included in my grad school application packet. It's rather lengthy and may likely bore some of you to tears; others will recognize the history of my life, as they were there to witness it firsthand. At any rate, this post is simply a small glimpse into my psyche and a proclamation to the world of my calling.

“These are the traits of an addict that you have identified,” she said. “Take a moment to reflect and decide if these traits match any qualities that you might see in yourself or your own life.” As I sat in quiet solitude, contemplating life, actions I had taken, choices I had made, and the angry, oppressive baggage I carried, I realized that each of the bullet points our group had outlined on the whiteboard described me and my life all too well. Despite the feelings of rage, denial, defiance, disappointment, and sadness, for the first time in my young life, I finally admitted to myself that I was, indeed, an addict and needed help to turn my life around.

At 15, after an arrest for shoplifting and a psychological evaluation, I began my journey through our juvenile court system, meeting probation officers, attorneys, judges, counselors, psychiatrists, and social workers along the way. On my passage through this foreign world, I found the language peculiar and the expectations of me outlandish. Addictive personality, depression, co-dependent, enabler, oppositional, addict, alcoholic, eating disorder, inpatient treatment, outpatient therapy, counseling, community service, accountability, ownership, consequences, self-determination, and one day at a time… I wondered, “What normal person really buys into this gibberish? Do they seriously expect me to take responsibility for my own life?” Indeed, they did. Eventually, in time, I did too.

After a tour through two outpatient counseling programs along with a side trip to an inpatient treatment facility, countless AA meetings, and years of intensive individual, group, and family therapy, I finally managed to successfully navigate the waters of Sarpy County’s Juvenile Diversion program. I had learned to take responsibility for myself, accept the consequences that resulted from my choices, and understand that a better, healthier life full of hope and love was possible after all. Although it was I who saw the light at the end of the tunnel and struggled daily to reach it, those beautiful souls that inhabited that unfamiliar land of long ago were there to lift my head, hold my hand, and share the journey with me. Had not so many people seen a glimmer of promise in that angst-filled teenager, had not so many genuinely cared and offered hope, had not so many given me a voice when I could not find my own, and had I not received one last chance to save myself, I truly believe I wouldn’t be here today.

Although it may sound cliché, social work is my calling; this realization has evolved over time and, despite my best efforts to pursue other endeavors, I find myself always returning home with an insatiable yearning to give back to others and eager to make a positive difference in the world. It is my belief that everything that has happened in my life, good or bad, has occurred for a reason – one that typically exceeds my appreciation – and has shaped the person I have become. Likewise, the people I have encountered throughout my personal journey have graced my life for a purpose that is usually greater than my understanding; each has left a distinct impression, gently taught a lesson, or enriched my human experience. Gratefully, I have been connected with the [therapy center] for over two decades; from a defiant, depressed teenager to a capable, confident adult, I have worked with [my therapist] and the [therapy center] for most of my formative years. Throughout my struggles with substance abuse, grief, familial dysfunction, parenting issues, and depression, I have returned to the [therapy center] time and again for over 20 years. I consider [my therapist] a trusted advisor and mentor from whom I have learned much and who continues to serve as an inspiration to me, even today. She has humbly walked with me as I have grown emotionally and spiritually, and matured wisely and lovingly, always seeking the quiet, nurturing, non-judgmental place within my heart that allows me to enjoy life with hope, patience and reverence. My long-term connection to the [therapy center] and the positive changes I’ve seen because of the work done there have been life-altering, key motivators for my decision to make social work my life’s work.

Is my own journey complete? No, there is still much to do, experience, and learn. However, now is the time for me to give back, to walk with others on their journey through life; now is the time to gratefully and humbly share my experiences; now is the time to answer the calling that has been with me all these years. As Mahatma Gandhi once said, “You must be the change you wish to see in this world.” I am finally ready to be the change.

While I know I cannot save the world, I hope to make a positive impact on it through my work and the lives I touch. We are surrounded by tragedy, poverty, disease, inequality, abuse, hunger, injustice, homelessness, despair, and apathy; it’s easy to become discouraged and overwhelmed by the troubles of the world. I hope to be an advocate for the downtrodden and disadvantaged who feel forgotten and uncared for; I aspire to help them find their voices again and reclaim the hopefulness we all need to survive and flourish. Whether it is waiting with an isolated elder for the end of his life’s journey, providing work skills training to a single Native American mother struggling to feed her family, or advocating for the welfare of a child, the work will matter, it will have meaning and importance.

Throughout my life, I’ve been privileged to work with people from various socioeconomic, cultural, and developmental backgrounds. Whether it be tutoring at-risk children at The Urban League of Nebraska, encouraging special-needs athletes at the Nebraska Special Olympic games, celebrating a sobriety milestone with a friend, grieving with members of my church as a BeFriender lay minister, renovating the hurricane-ravaged home of a disadvantaged Hispanic family, or helping youth group members work through their personal struggles with sexual orientation or drug abuse, my life has been enriched by each experience. I strive to learn something from each person and situation I encounter; I firmly believe that I have received far more than I have ever given to others and am grateful for the gift of sharing another’s journey, even if for a short time. My entire life has prepared me for social work and the precious opportunities and experiences that lie ahead.

I was moved by a passage written by Victoria Safford, author of “The Small Work in the Great Work,” as she recounted the following quote from a psychiatrist friend: “You know I cannot save them. I am not here to save anybody or to save the world. All I can do – what I am called to do – is to plant myself at the gates of Hope. Sometimes they come in; sometimes they walk by. But I stand there every day and I call out till my lungs are sore with calling, and beckon and urge them in toward beautiful life and love.” This passage exemplifies what I hope to achieve in my life’s work, in my contribution to social work and the world. Now is the time for me to answer the call and take my place at the gates of Hope.

Thanks for reading. :)